Dating Online during Covid-19
This is the perspective of a man in his sixties, who has recently and reluctantly returned to the dating app scene.
You may have a lot of questions when you decide to dip your toes back into the dating pool, especially since we live in the Trying Age of Covid. By engaging yourself online, essentially exposing a hastily assembled shopping list of what you seek in a partner, you'll have the same issues that the average person has, plus a bonus barrier of what to do once you [1] establish a common interest, [2] find that you're within a day's travel of each other, [3] have sufficient overlapping time (and interest), [4] decide to meet in person.
Generally, I consider myself a nice guy, kind, certainly not rich, and not someone who would cut you off on the freeway. I'm an average height, quick to open doors and smile to most everyone I meet. Humorous in a bit off-center way, smart, literate, fairly well-read, good hygiene, passable sense of fashion and so on. I am the guy who'll help your old mom get something from the top shelf at the market or assist the elderly or disabled without a second thought. I am an average Joe like you.
I don't have the dashing features of a celebrity or the photographic memory of a stage act, but that is part of the job description for artists. I haven't grown up beyond occasionally exaggerating to make a point. I'm just a pretty nice guy looking for "my own" nice woman, for my next best friend, for my advocate, for the person I want to do things for and with foremost, the first pair of eyes I see in the morning and the last at night, the lips that know how and when to find my own perfectly. And often.
Apps, anyone?
I'm not looking to date. My preference is not to search online for what I strongly believe should be a physical, real, visceral person who, by coincidence, serendipity, karma or just plain luck, happens to be in the vicinity of where I happen to be, open to finding someone, maybe like me.
Dating apps: I'll admit, I have a real love-hate relationship when it comes to using one. I'm currently on several. When it comes to finding candidates, some tools work better than others, some don't work at all. Not to 'score more,' as an adolescent male might suggest, but to see and be seen.
My goal is to make an easy connection with someone who thinks I'm a good match at least.
Yes, I have a car.
One of the sites even asks if you have a car. No matter what distance you specify for a reasonable distance when looking for a potential partner, I regularly receive matches from about four and a half hours away, which is not what I'd consider the 'impulsive date' range, which is the distance you'd be willing to travel for a last minute concert, film, or event.
It's unlikely you will find your perfect match, if such a thing ever existed or might ever exist. Let's take a look at why. It is important for both of you to look for clearly stated characteristics that will narrow the search quickly and help you find the perfect partner. Another crucial factor comes into play when the two " perfect pieces " of the perfect couple puzzle have the 'partnership need ' occur simultaneously. It must be within a reasonable geographical range and also include whether they have had other experiences in the past that enabled them to better define perfection for them in the context of a 'couple' partnership and what that might look like. You must further be able to recognize her when you find her.
Looks a little off to me.
In a perfect world, we could have hard and fast rules about what is attractive and what isn't, since visual appeal is the driving force behind connections, at least online. I have written this from a binary male point of view. Please make adjustments as necessary if you identify in any other way.
What I'm trying to say is that as we age, oh boy especially as we age, skin tends to sag a little and to more closely resemble a type of Crêpe papier on the neck, under arms, thighs and other exposed surfaces. It's normal, right? I'm not the only one this is happening to, right? Breathe.
On top of categories common on most apps, like age*, education, political stance, religious stance, height, body type, degree of activeness, and so on, there should also be a free class that demonstrated how to use the camera on your phone.
*In terms of age, I dated a wonderful woman who was beautiful, accomplished, and confident. Her personality was playful and loving. When we broke up, she returned online at a much younger age than the one I knew her to be.
When it comes to setting a comfortable age range, should we consider some leeway if women (and men) are going to lie about their true age? Taking this a step further, what is age, anyway? Then there are those who dismiss the age difference out of hand and a few others who seem fixated on that single issue. While I've seen people act much older than they are, I enjoy physical activities, things, and am younger in the sense that I am playful, positive, and joyful.
Beautiful by nature.
Drawing eyebrows on the face, lipstick liners, photos that are too far away to be of any use, bad dental hygiene, bad posture, photos that aren't flattering or in which the woman is largely obscured by a pet or flowers, bathroom lighting, women who have no concept of what a natural expression looks like should all be optional categories that can be checked off. If your body is on the larger side, avoid having your photo taken at a buffet bar, as it will make you look like you're doubling down.
Apparently, men are no different. In the past, I have heard of people embellishing photos by hiding beer guts, hiding behind sunglasses, not smiling, slouching, wearing a big hat, or simply drinking beer. Oh boy, I know I could use an advocate for my own online reputation!
A person of reasonable aptitude wouldn't allow such things on the internet, but here they are. Interested?
Out of this world.
Once a notable scientist was asked how likely it was that intelligent life could exist elsewhere, and he created a formula called Drakes Equation. If you're more interested in alien civilizations than dating, look here.
The reason I'm bringing this up is the fact that dating sites earn money by offering everyone an endless selection of potential partners with the bonus of access to filtering features, the ability to reply or to chat for just so much more a month.
Can you tell what I'm thinking?
Here's a completely-at-random list of the next 10 women's expressions as I randomly scroll on the site I'm on:
1. Looking up at the camera makes my wrinkles less noticeable.
2. It's only my mouth in a smile shape, my eyes are normally like this. I bite through leather like this.
3. Leaning forward to look interested; i just look uncomfortable. Don't look at my cleavage.
4. Really, you're going to take my photo in the store? I'll try to look uncomfortable.
5. I'm sitting on a couch but I'm definitely surprised to see myself in my smartphone.
6. Yes, I'm in a crowded restaurant and the window's right behind me. No way you're getting details.
7. I saw this hairstyle in the 60's and I'm still working it. Maybe if I half-blink with one eye...
8. This photo has not at all been run through all the instagram filters to the point of obscurity.
9. This is how I laugh, although my eyes tell you I've died on the inside.
10. Look how close yet completely out of focus I can get my face to fill the whole screen.
I'm sure that the men on the search would yield an abundance of obvious gaffes, but I haven't been on that side of the screen myself!
It's a party thing!
I believe it would be a good idea to set aside a couple of hours and to spend those hours reviewing my online dating options - which sounds like going through a lot of sifting and sorting, doesn't it?
What I'd really like is a woman who cares about me, not necessarily in a romantic way, to look over our shoulders on the online app and to see what we don't see, "oh, no-she's not self-aware, overconfident, she's had her lips done, she doesn't have good body awareness, she has no friends, she looks like trouble-she's four and a half hours away! Yes, four and a half hours is too far!
I'd volunteer for my female friends, if they choose to have me look over their shoulders as their advocate. There's a good theme for a potentially caustic adult party game!
How has your experience been with online dating?
I would like to hear from you, please share!
No comments:
Post a Comment